Behind the Scenes: What I See as a Pastor’s Wife When it Comes to the Sermon

The preparation, the delivery, and the ride home.

As you can see from the picture of the iceberg, the little tiny bit of ice is what you see when it comes to the pastor’s sermon. However, as a pastor’s wife, I see the whole big part underneath. I’m sure you haven’t put much thought into it, I mean before I became a wife of a preacher, I had no idea either. Unless you’ve been married to one or been a child of one, I don’t think you can fully grasp it, but…

I’d like to try and give you a small glimpse or behind the scenes of what I see as a pastor’s wife when it comes to the sermon.

First, you have the preparation which is the biggest and longest part. I was an athlete most of my life and I love sports so I like to look at it as an athlete preparing for the “big game”. An athlete doesn’t just show up to the championship game without having any practice and hope to give a great performance. That is the same way when it comes to delivering a sermon because there has to be some preparation.

Often this comes weeks/days before my husband is supposed to preach. There is countless hours spent studying and praying in preparation for the message. What that looks like to me as a wife is seeing my husband come home from working all day at his “regular” full time job but then also having to go into his study and “prepare”. There are times the kids would rather have him playing with them all evening, “But Dad has to study.” That means cutting time short at maw maws house on Sunday because he has to get back and study more before the message.

It is me seeing him put a priority on the Word of God and the seriousness of his role as a pastor in the preparation for the sermons.

I know there are times, in the flesh, he would much rather just take a nap or do some wood working outside in the garage or spend more time with me and the kids, but he is very wise in taking advantage of the time in preparing for the sermon. That dedication shows and although, in my flesh, I would rather have him outside of that study room and with us 100% of the time, my heart and soul needs it just like you.

Along with preparation comes different struggles and battles. Thanks to the devil! He doesn’t like what my husband is preparing for and loves to attack as hard as he can during this process. In reality, he’d love to see my husband FAIL when it comes time for the sermon. Maybe the kids are being too loud and it is distracting (preacher’s kids aren’t perfect in case you didn’t know). Sometimes the schedule is busy and the amount of time he’d like to study just isn’t available. There are times when I can see that the message just isn’t coming as easily or quickly as he’d want it too. Sometimes the message he’s preparing for is just going to be flat out hard and maybe not well liked and in the flesh that is difficult to prepare for. I can see my husband sometimes struggle with doubt of the right message, I hear him say all the time, “Well is this the right message?“. There are just so many different ways the devil likes to fight my husband and family in these times of preparation. I know he could go into way more detail about what that is like as a preacher but these are things that I see. Just like an athlete practicing and training for the big game, there is always going to be obstacles or injuries that bring different struggles in that part of the process.

Then, after all that time of preparation comes the delivery. Watching him in the car as we are headed to the church when he’s preaching is just like watching an athlete warming up for the big game. I see the focus and seriousness in his face and the worship and the praise in song as we prepare our hearts for service. Sometimes he will have me play a certain song we love that had God all over it on our way. I’ll hear him whisper a “Help us Lord” or “Praise the Lord“. Sometimes I’ll see that quirky smile and a little laugh and usually that means I know he just got “confirmation” from God that the message he’s planning to preach is indeed the “right” one. That is one of my favorite moments as a pastor’s wife to see. It’s something you just cannot really describe, it just happens and its amazing! If your a preacher’s wife, you know what I’m talking about!

“Now you have that small tip of the iceberg that you see which is the actual sermon. You hear that message that he’s spent much time preparing for. I see all the preparation coming to a close and the excitement knowing that he has worked so hard and it’s now time to deliver it.”

Courtney Scarberry

You get to see the finished, polished, completed message. I get to see all the post it notes with scribbles and outlines, the study floor covered in books open and papers everywhere, before it all comes together. I love hearing my husband preach, it is just like watching your spouse or your kid at the big game. I love being his “biggest cheerleader” and shouting amen! What I also see during the message is how you respond, sometimes that is a bad/good quality to have as a pastor’s wife. He doesn’t always hear all the “amens” or “that’s good preaching” or seeing you so laser focused and taking notes. I want to be able to tell him that I heard it and saw you so engaged. I try to pay close attention to the little things he says and I take notes- IF the kids cooperate and allow me too. I want to write down and remember what God is giving us through him. Also, that is because if you’re married to a preacher, you know what is coming next.

Lastly, you have the ride home. I always remember growing up after playing a game and riding home with my parents. Depending on how I performed that game determined what the car ride home was like. It was always over analyzing the game and every little play. It was “What could I have done better?” or doubts and frustration with things that went wrong.

The first thing my husband says when we get into the car after he preached is, “Was that okay?” or “Did that sound stupid?” or “Did you understand it?“

People can tell him he did a great job or it was a wonderful message but the car rides are still mostly the same. That is one reason I try to pay close attention to the little things he says, NOT just the main points. He may ask, “Well did that one thing I said about (x,y,z) sound okay? or did it sound mean or did it make sense?” I always want to give him specific responses so that he knows I’m not just saying, “yes hunny.” It’s more of a “Yes I loved the part about (x,y,z) it really went well and was a good illustration.” Words of affirmation goes a long way in our marriage!

I see the battle and struggles that come after the message. That devil! Early on as a preacher’s wife I would get so frustrated with the same questions hearing them over and over again despite my responses. However, I’ve learned that is a very sensitive time that I need to be more supportive and serious in what I say and the way I come off towards him. I understand now what he is dealing with.

So next time you hear your pastor preach a sermon, try to think about all the time and effort of preparation he put into that message.

It’ll make you appreciate it more and maybe hear it in a different way than you’ve heard before.

Don’t forget to pray for your pastor and more than just on Sunday!